The Great Handbag Scandal of ‘09

Could this work of art kill England's World Cup Bid?

OK so perhaps the title is a tad hyperbolic, but really things are getting ridiculous. A quick refresher course for those of you who have missed this: England (as you all should know) is bidding to host the 2018 World Cup. Recently there was a conference in London at which Jack Warner, a FIFA vice-president, was present. Geoff Thompson, former FA chairman and current FIFA vice-president, held a dinner which Warner and his wife attended. At said dinner Geoff Thompson presented Warner’s wife with a Mulberry handbag (and let me just state for the record that I’m incredibly jealous) valued at £230.

Here’s where the controversy starts. Apparently Jack Warner’s wife thought that this was just a pleasant gift from the FA for her birthday (let us skip how little sense this assumption makes), but the wives of the 23 other men on FIFA’s executive committee also received a handbag. Now, roughly two weeks after receiving said handbag, Jack Warner has sent it back with a very angry letter (kindly published here, nice stationary Mr. Warner) claiming the handbag was “tainting her character and mine”.

Now that you have the general gist of things, lets go look at some details. In his speech in the conference Mr. Warner wondered point blank why England hadn’t showered him with goodies yet (Australia and Qatar already had), I quote “Why isn’t there a bag for England? People are looking at these things and asking themselves questions[.]” If you read the letter in full then you will have read this: “I also wish to state that there is nothing that your FA can offer me to get my vote.” How is the FA supposed to suck up to Mr. Warner with such mixed signals?

While he never explicitly stated that the reason the handbag was so character tainting was that it implied him and his wife in bribery, this is the widely supported hypothesis (and quite honestly I can’t think of another reason to give up a lovely Mulberry handbag. Though I still wouldn’t give it up. Readers Note: If you ever need to bribe me, this would work). However Jack Warner who has been involved in multiple monetary scandals in football (the highlights of which are so kindly outlined by TheSpoiler.) I hate to break it to you Mr. Warner, but your character is pretty tainted at this point. A (perfectly legal under FIFA regulations) gift of a handbag isn’t going to change your legacy.

Lastly one must seriously question the common sense of both Mr. Warner and his wife Maureen. Did the Warners seriously think that the FA loved Maureen so much that they would just give her a (rather expensive) handbag for her birthday? And did it really take the couple two weeks to realise that 23 other women also received handbags? Either the two really are incredibly thick or they are lying somewhere.

As you may have surmised by this point I think this whole affair is ridiculous. Unfortunately, however irrational it all seems, it may seriously harm England’s (not too shiny) World Cup Bid. Being implicated in a bribery scandal does not make your country look like an idyllic place to host the biggest sporting event on Earth. And even though we can all see how silly it is (at least I hope you can see), you can never rely on the geniuses at FIFA to be reasonable, and our bid does rest tenderly in their unforgiving claws. I do think, in my undying optimism, that this will all blow over eventually and the real meat of the bid will be what it is judged upon, and we can all look back and laugh someday (preferably in England, summer of 2018) at the complete idiocy of FIFA and everyone in it.