If England Players Had to Move Abroad, Where Would You Send Them?

April 9th, 2010 | by: Daryl |

aapspanish It’s hard to ignore the fact that Premier League clubs spent a lot less than usual last summer, and suddenly we have no English teams in the Champions League semi-finals for the first time since 2003. The two events may or may not be related. If the Premier League is in some sort of decline due to the pound vs the euro exchange rate, the debts of big clubs or whatever else, then the big silver lining as far as I’m concerned (as an England fan) is that maybe our players will start looking abroad for big paychecks again.

I’ve banged on about this twice before. Once in 2008, and again in 2009, so it’s an annual England blog tradition at this point. Basically I think the England team would be a lot stronger if at least some of our top players would expand their horizons and leave the Premier League.

It’s not just about making the England players into better people (though recent events suggest that would be more than a little useful), it’s also about making them better and more complete footballers by exposing them to foreign football cultures. I also think the England team would be a little more popular around the world if our players made appearances in other domestic leagues, like goodwill ambassadors. I miss the days of Gary Lineker in Barcelona, Chris Waddle in Marseille and David Platt playing for Sampdoria. In fact, I’ve decided to be pro-active and start assigning England players to non-English teams. So pack your bags gentlemen, because this is where you’re going.

James Milner: Sprechen Sie Deutsch Herr Milner? I hope so, because you’re headed to the Bundesliga with, let’s say, Schalke 04. I think your work rate and solid technique will go down nicely. Also, see if you can pick up some penalty taking tips to bring home and share.

Steven Gerrard: You’ve been assigned to Serie A with Internazioanale. I want to see what happens when you have to fight Dejan Stankovic Wesley Sneijder and Esteban Cambiasso for a midfield spot.

Joe Cole: You’re off to play in La Liga with Valencia. Why? Because I said so, that’s why.

Wayne Rooney: Tough one. But after careful consideration I’m thinking Barcelona. You’ve clearly got what it takes to be the central striker in a three man forward line, so I’m thinking some sort of swap deal with Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the way to go. Also, I’d love to see what happens when you team up with Leo Messi.

John Terry: You stay where you are. We can’t have you further damaging the reputation of Brits abroad.

Bobby Zamora: You’re not getting enough respect in England, so I’m thinking Eredivisie for you. Because it seems almost comically easy to score goals there. Even Afonso Alves could do it. Get 50 in a season, then back to the Prem with a big team. Deal?

Owen Hargreaves: Back to Bayern Munich. You seemed less injured when you were last there.

Glen Johnson: Get a P&O ticket, you’re headed to France. I’m thinking Olympique Marseille, mostly because I have no idea who their current right back is. Good luck Glen, and don’t steal any French toilet seats.

Any others? Who would you send where?

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Dillon

Where would Fatty Lamps go? How about Rangers? Does that count as abroad?

Rio Ferdinand should play somewhere in Argentina to learn how to deal with small, speedy strikers.
bob

send some english keepers to the mls because thts where he best epl keepers come from
http://www.worldcupblog.org Daryl

Ha, so it would be like a crash course in tackling pacy little strikers for Ferdinand? Also, not sure how popular a man named Rio would be in Argentina.

I struggled to think of somewhere suitable for Lampard. Probably Inter and a reunuion with Mourinho makes most sense, but if Gerrard is there too then Inter fans would be asking the old “can they play together?” question.
http://www.worldcupblog.org Daryl

bob, that’s not a bad shout at all. Maybe Philly will trade Chris Seitz for Ben Foster?
http://arsenal.theoffside.com Martin

Send Cashley to Siberia. Just because.
Sairax

Yeah, what’s up with English players not going abroad? I know there has been Beckham, Owen, McMannaman, Pennent, and I’m sure others I’m missing. I suppose they didn’t have the best time, but are there other reasons for this? Not that I particularly care about the English NT (and I’m Canadian so don’t even start with Hargreaves), but it seems like something that would be beneficial, particularly for those players that are talented but aren’t ‘big names’.
http://juventus.theoffside.com alessio

Thought Lampard might join Juventus a few years ago when his contract was expiring, with us having Ranieri.

If Italy is an example, for lesser-known players like Zamora, going abroad isn’t a way to raise your profile. If you’re an established star, then sure, it works. Fabio Grosso got picked every game when at Lyon. But take Enzo Maresca for example, who took Sevilla to 2 UEFA Cups, scored twice in one and received MOTM. Didn’t go to the World Cup, yet Simone Barone did. (Who, you might ask? Exactly)
http://littlemissdiana.blogspot.com diana

Following and watching the Bundesliga for about four years now and as an England supporter at the same time, good shout regarding Schalke for James Milner, Daryl. His work rate will go down well there, with the fan base they have there. And the Rhur derby against hated rivals Borussia Dortmund…whoa. Not disrepecting derby matches against Birmingham City but it will be some experience, playing in probably the mother of all football derbies in Germany.

Speaking of English players moving abroad, does anyone have suggestions regarding Theo Walcott? I’m still struggling to think which club is suitable for him. Have been thinking this for some time actually, out of boredom to be honest.
http://australia.worldcupblog.org Luka

Portugal for Walcott, specifically Sporting. They have a habit of nurturing decent wingers – Nani, Quaresma, other Ronaldo, and Yannick what’s-his-name.
http://www.worldcupblog.org Daryl

I could see Walcott in Ligue 1. If he could get in the Lyon or Bordeaux teams then he’d do some real damage there.
http://soccerlimeyinamerica.com SoccerLimey

I’d like to see Walcott at the Nou Camp. His speed on the flank would give them another dimension out there with Alves behind him. I think more importantly though, seeing some of our defenders like Terry and Ferdinand playing in La Liga regularly would make them more effective in their England roles
http://france.theoffside.com/ Thomas

Daryl: OM’s current right back is Laurent Bonnart. Remmember that, I might quiz you later .
http://www.worldcupblog.org Daryl

SoccerLimey, I suspect Barcelona are pretty happy with their current right winger!

Thomas, I’m now tempted to tattoo “Laurent Bonnart, OM right back” on my arm and then cheat on the quiz.