The Latest News Decoded For Your Convenience

Item: The FA confirm having interviewed Alan Curbishley for the England job.

Item decoded: Sussing out the competition in both Europe and the larger world, the FA acknowledge that England, like Curbishley’s Charlton, is just-about-mid-table stuff.

Item: One-time Beatle biographer Hunter Davies to serve as Wayne Rooney’s co-author.

Item decoded: As soon as the 70-year-old Davies has his first stroke — thus putting him on a par with his subject linguistically — they’ll get straight to work.

Item: Becks linked to Arsenal, while Owen tipped for a return to Liverpool.

Item decoded: Lil’ Mick-to-Anfield is a natural — just think how cute he’d look hanging from a string around Peter Crouch’s neck. But there is no way that Becks winds up playing for Arsenal: 1) He’s too old, 2) He’s English, 3) Wenger generally goes for dark-haired boys.