Big Bad Germany Spies on Lil’ Theo

This is the funniest news story of the week, maybe of the whole run-up to the World Cup: Worried about the threat that Theo Walcott may impose in the group stages, German coaches have asked the lad’s Arsenal teammate, German keeper Jens Lehmann, for the lowdown on the kid.

Never mind that Walcott has seen no first team action at all with Arsenal and that Lehmann may only have watched him train and not play — ever, anywhere. Never mind that Lehmann isn’t a coach or scout. Never mind that he’ll probably resort to Eto’O-ing him and grab his ankles when he zips past. No, the best bit is: They didn’t ask Ollie Kahn for his opinion.